i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
