I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
