dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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