Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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