Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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