so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
