Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
