I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize