Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
