His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
