i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
