My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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