We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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