You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
