Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
