im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
