How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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