So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
