So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
