I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
