if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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