Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
