Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize