some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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