If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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