If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
