So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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