Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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