It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
