Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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