Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
