like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
