a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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