woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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