He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
