you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i out mim tonsoeep
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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