I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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