Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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