she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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