My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
