woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
