My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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