All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
