I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
