My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
