but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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