Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
