so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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