Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
