Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
