Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
only if we run a train.
done.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
