My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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