The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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