What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
