My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So squirting runs in the family.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
