The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
