i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
