my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
