This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
