he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
