Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
