im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
