Apparently you make a good broom.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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