Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
