no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize