do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
