We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
