lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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