dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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