don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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