I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize