Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
