when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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