he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
