she woke up with a sticky ear
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
