I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
